AHHHHHHHHH.

I am 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant today. I've been feeling like labor is imminent for more than a week now. Aaaaand nothing. T and G were both born at 37 weeks exactly and K was born at 38 weeks, 2 days, so yes, I know I'm a HUGE wimp about the end of pregnancy. I'll freely admit that. I just made it to the "safe zone" Monday and there are still 19 (nine. teen. ... *bursts into tears*) days until my official due date, but I already feel like I'm losing my mind.

I know, rationally, I can't be pregnant forever. I know, rationally, I should try to enjoy this time since this is my last pregnancy and I'll never be in this exact life situation again. I know, rationally, more time in pre-labor means an easier delivery later. And rationally, I know being pregnant and uncomfortable (albeit intensely ragey/weepy/oversensitive) is easier than having a newborn.

Rationally, I know these things.

Unfortunately, I'm not rational right now. Not even five percent of the time. Do I feel guilty about that? Absolutely. A good mommy wouldn't be bitching right now. She'd be thankful and glowy and one with the universe and probably still able to wear real pants. A good mommy wouldn't be constantly yelling at her other children and scream-texting her husband that NO, SHE'S NOT IN F****** LABOR YET.


via GIPHY

But whatever, I'm human. And I figured I should officially record all of the feels (good, bad, but mostly just ugly) because I know I'm actually going to miss this shit in the future and laugh about how ridiculous I acted and look back on pregnancy with fondness and affection.

Because I'm insane. Totally insane.

If I admit it, that makes it okay, though, right?

Crazy Easy Kid Legwarmers {crochet pattern}

Hullo peeps,

It's getting cold around here, which is FANTASTIC for a 36.5 weeks pregnant lady who breaks into a sweat just thinking about strenuous physical activity ... like walking to the bathroom ... or getting out of bed ... or sitting down on the floor and having to get back up again ... but not so fantastic for my three year old who refuses to wear pants most of the time. Luckily, she is completely obsessed with all things ballerina these days, including legwarmers, so I made some for her. The pattern I came up with is insanely basic (pretty much all my brain can handle right now), but they fit great and are a perfect canvas for embellishment.

I used Red Heart With Love yarn and an I hook. These are a size small. To make a medium or large use the numbers in parentheses.

Abbreviations:
ch - chain
st - stitch
sc - single crochet
hdc - half double crochet
BLO - back loops only

We'll start with the ribbing along the top.

ROUND 1: Ch 6, turn. Skip 1 ch, sc in next 5 st in BLO.
ROUND 2: Continuing in BLO, *ch 1, turn, sc in next 5 st*.
ROUND 3-24 (medium: 26) (large: 28): Repeat from * to * around.
Tie off. Sew edges together with a whip stitch to form a ring.

For the main part of the legwarmer:

Join yarn to the edge of the ribbed piece you just finished. Sc around edge 24 (m: 26) (l: 28) times. Join to first sc.
Working in the round now, hdc in each sc around. Continue working in the round until piece reaches desired length (I did 25 rows - increase as needed for medium/large sizes).

For the bottom cuff:

Work 5 rounds of one sc in each st.

Finish off, weave in ends, and embellish however you wish!

Who needs real pants, anyway?

Say Something

Hullo peeps,

I've been out for a while and this isn't exactly the sweetness and light I'd like to come back with on the blog, but I can't stop thinking about all the incredible people who have been lost to suicide and if there is anything I can do (no matter how small) to reach someone who is fighting this battle, I'm sure as hell going to do it. So let's just dive in, shall we?

***

One year ago, I lost my spark. I was depressed and hopeless and contemplating a thousand different ways to end my own life. Looking back, it all seems like a really bad dream. I don't know how I ended up there (although I have fleshed out a lot of compounding factors) and I never in a million years expected it.

You never do, though. No one, no one, plans on fighting a battle to the death with their own thoughts. There's no way to prepare for it, there's no way to combat it, and the only ally you have is yourself - a GIANT problem with that self is filling your head with lies about your value and worth.

In order to survive, there is one thing you have to do. I know for certain it's what saved my life a year ago. If you're dealing with depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts or any other sort of mental turmoil OR if you think a friend or loved one might be fighting this battle, please do this one thing.

Say something.

Tell someone what you're going through. Ask someone if they're okay. Yes, it seems utterly pointless. Yes, it can be insanely embarrassing. Yes, you'll have to wade through the social guilt/shame surrounding mental illness. Yes, you'll probably scare the hell out of people.

But so many beautiful voices have been silenced forever by this monster and we must fight it any way we can.

So please, say something.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255