Saturday, December 31, 2011

Nappy Yew Hear!

Wow, what a year! It's amazing how time has flown by. Last January, I was passed out on the couch by 9 p.m.  from pregnancy-induced exhaustion. Oh, what fun.

This year, I'm ready to part-ay BIG TIME. And when I say part-ay, I mean chill in my jammies and watch Kung Fu Panda 2 whilst drinking ginormous amounts of Sprite and eating super-sale cranberry sauce with a spoon.

What can I say? I'm a bad a$$.

May the new year bring you happiness and warm fuzzy feelings!

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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Other Uses for the Push-Up Bra

You'll poke your eye out, kid!
This, my friends, is a post about boobs.

Something happens to our bumps, humps and lady lumps after childbirth. First of all, you become a milk-making machine. Hooray for the ability to sustain life with seemingly useless bags of fat! Women are AWESOME.

Something else happens, too. I call it the Balloon Effect. Now, I started out as a B cup, so I didn't have much to work with in the first place. And this may not happen to everyone. But this is what happened to me:

I went up a cup size.

Then I went down two cup sizes.

Then I went up three cups sizes.

And then I went back to a C cup.

This happened in ONE day. And it still happens ALL THE TIME. Sometimes your boobs feel like boulders and sometimes they feel like deflated balloons. One is almost always fuller than the other.

But they are pretty much always 4 inches below where they once were ...

When people buy you push-up bras for Christmas, you know it's bad.

I got a really, really nice bra this year. It is pretty and lacy and has glittery things on it. And it is about 90 percent padding.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy not having my nipples point in random (sometimes opposite) directions. But since this bra was relatively expensive ($67 to be exact), I figured it should have more uses than a saggy boob shelf.

Behold, a list of other uses for the push-up bra:

> Bumper Pads
You are out on the town as Super Mommy and you get shoved into a brick wall by an evil nemesis.


The recoil from your bra's padding makes you bounce back 15 feet at maximum velocity, knocking over your enemy.

You yell, "ka-CHOW!"

Good prevails and the world is saved.

> Distraction
This one is pretty much self-explanatory. If you have ever put on a push-up bra and had someone look at you like you grew antennae, you know what I'm talking about.

If you want, add some blinking LED lights.

Also, buy a t-shirt that says, "If you are reading this, you're an ARSEHOLE" across the chest. Videotape the reactions you get. Put them on YouTube. Become an overnight sensation.

> Bulletproof Vest

The push-up bra is muy bueno for protecting vital organs. Its ridiculous amount of padding ensures you will live to see another day ... unless they shoot you in the head.

> Weapon of Mass Destruction
I haven't tried this (yet), but I'm pretty sure push-up bras would make amazing slingshots.

> Snack Pack
When cleavage magically appears, so do bits and pieces from all the things you ate that day. A few pieces of peppermint candy, a brownie crumb, a bit of turkey.

If you get hungry, all you have to do is grab something from the great cleavage chasm and you're back in action.

> Self-Confidence Booster
Because, you know, your entire self-worth should depend on the size and shape of your hooters.

Which is decided by genetics.


That's logical.

> Skankifier

I am not a skanky person (umm, hopefully). And push-up bras used correctly are wonderful things. But push -up bras plus shirts designed to hold B cups cause major issues. Believe me, I know.

Push-up bra: $67
Too small shirt: $6
Automatic Skankification: PRICELESS

I really do enjoy having boobs that don't look like empty tube socks.
But I'm afraid if I start wearing this bra more often, people are going to notice the dramatic size change. And I refuse to buy another $67 bra.

Even though it can be used to survive a zombie apocalypse.

I will just blame it all on nursing.

Done and done.

While we're on the topic of boobs, if/when you nursed your baby, did you just whip it out in public or did you cover up? Did you ever receive snide comments? What did you say in return?
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Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Have a very merry Christmas!

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011


I have PMS. 

Which means I look like this:

See the diabolical smile? The people fleeing in fear? How everything is suddenly and inexplicably PUFT?!?

That pretty much covers it.

I'm going to go eat something smothered in chocolate now. Pretzels. Raisins.

Grasshoppers. Worms.


If it's got chocolate on it, I'm game.

Just lemme go duct tape a hot water bottle to my stomach real quick.

See you in five.

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30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 7

Day 7 ~ Something Funny

Baby Jemima ... he didn't find it funny, but I did :)

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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Check Your Flocking Facts

The Fib from Outer Space
I love my computer, my smart phone, and the Internet. But technology definitely has a down side.

It augments human stupidity. You see, in the olden days (you know, like the 1970s), it was much harder to spread lies. You couldn't push a magical button that would send a chain email to 1,500 people in a matter of seconds. You couldn't share a bogus story on Facebook with 800 friends. Heck, you couldn't even text message. You actually had to talk to someone. Ew.

The Rumor Weed
People are the same now as they were back then (minus the polyester and the 'fros ... hopefully). But the weapons of mass destruction fib spreading have changed. Instead of a letter, a phone call or a town crier, we have Twitter, Facebook, and email. Plus, we seem to have forgotten all about common sense. Everything we see, hear, or read is automatically true. Because, you know, we saw it on Facebook. And if you see it on Facebook, it must be true. Right?


What's behind the pervasive tendency to spread total bullsh*t, anyway? It's not "being a responsible citizen". It's not "keeping others informed."

It's gossip. And spreading gossip, last time I checked, is WRONG.

Do you want to sound like a parrot on crack? Of course you don't.



For generic lies, go here:
For political lies, go here:

I was not paid to promote either of these websites.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Z is for Ze End!


This is the last post in the A2Z series! I am finishing about 3 weeks late, but I FINISHED! Boo ya! 26 of my first 74 blog posts were devoted to this meme created by the awesome Patty Wysong.

Participating in this linky party has really helped me discover what I like to write about. It's random, wacky, sometimes a little too much information. It's my own special flavor of crazy :-)

How's about a little recap?

A is for Accountability

I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but I started A2Z posts late. Of course you did.

The first one was about accountability, specifically regarding weight loss. I did a few accountability updates on Fridays and then got a snarky comment about being obsessed with myself and stopped. I will, however, post a final update someday soon so all you NICE people can hear all about me. Me, me, me, me, me.

B is for Baby

Hard to believe at the time Baby T was only 9 weeks old!

C is for Circus Peanuts

Alternate title: How Lucky Charms Were Invented ... one of my wackier posts :-)

D is for Do It

No, not that. Sheesh.

E is for Ew

AKA The Kirby Salesmen Saga

F is for Fireworks

Hooray for America! And the stupid people who call it home.

G is for Girl's Night

Which I forgot to take pictures of. Of course you did.

H is for Hairdo ... and heliotrope
Part 1 & Part 2

When I dyed my hair purple ... let's just say it was a learning experience.

I is for Inspiration

A list of a few ways to get inspired - WOO!

J is for Jesus

The one and only.

K is for Kangaroo Pouch

The body part that shall not be named ... unless you name it Kangaroo Pouch and then break your foot and wish you really were a marsupial.

L is for Labor ~ 10 Things No One Tells You

I'm not gonna reread this one because I'm just now starting to forget the most horrible parts ...

M is for Motherhood ~ 10 Things No One Tells You

If I could think of two more, I could turn this into a "12 Days of ... " song a la Jeff Foxworthy.

N is for Nursing ~ 10 Things No One Tells You

Here's a visual: meat grinder + nipple ... 'nuf said.

O is for Owls

My super-amazing overhaul of an owl figurine thingy. Okay, so all I did was paint it. What have YOU done lately?

P is for Photography

Which led to a few posts on Shimelle's camera school lessons ... which then fizzled ... which then created the desire to do a 30 day photo challenge ... of which I am on day six ... and have been for the past month.

Q is for Quitting

Don't do it! Because cookie cutter creativity is lame and boring and all you have to show for it at the end of your life is some weird random topiary you made at MOPS.

R is for Rewind

Life is short.So live.

S is for Shiny Sink

My over-the-sink makeover inspired by Flylady.

T is for Typography

My weird obsession is not so weird after all.

U is for Urine

Pee in your mouth = not fun.

V is for Verse

My fave Scripture.

W is for WoW

Love is all you need.

X is for X Chromosome

Celebrating girl power!

Y is for Y Chromosome

Because little guys are awesome too.

and Z is for Ze End!

A wee bit tardy as usual.

I don't think my chronic lateness is caused by laziness or procrastination (okay, sometimes it's both), but things just seem to pile up and then I get overwhelmed and I don't do anything. At all. I don't wash the dishes, I don't vacuum the floor, I don't shave my legs (until someone who shall not be named wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "THERE'S A SPIDER IN OUR BED!!!" because of another certain someone's extremely long leg hair ... )

 It's a vicious cycle. One I hope to break.


Or maybe the next day ...
That would totally happen to me.

What was your favorite A2Z post?


Ordinary Lives. From a 2 z 4 u & me
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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Seeing things from a new angle

We are in the process of babyproofing our house. Munchkin is not crawling yet, but he can kinda sorta army crawl around in a circle and roll and then he does a little shimmy... it's kinda hard to explain. Suffice it to say he can move a few inches, and that's reason enough to make sure the house is safe.

One thing I have learned  from this experience is that children make you see things from a completely different perspective. For example, get down on your hands and knees right now and look around.

Do you see Christmas presents you can gum until the wrapping paper dissolves?
A tiny section of a power cord sticking out from behind the TV stand that can give you a nice little ZING?
Small pieces of something unidentifiable to shove in your mouth as fast as you can?
And LOOK! Is that a hard wooden piece of furniture for you to smack your head on at least twice before mom rescues you?

There's TWO!

That's one way your perspective changes as a parent. In another sense, all things old become new again. The holiday season this year has been SO MUCH FUN because of Baby Munchkin. For instance:

Who knew Christmas trees were so amazing?
And did you know Santa is a FAKE!?!

I can't wait for Christmas morning!

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Monday, November 28, 2011

I have not fallen off the face of the earth ... yet

Hi! Remember me?

Sorry for the sabbatical. I really had no choice. It was kind of like "take a break or watch your head explode into a thousand million pieces." I am still working on my 30 day photo challenge. I am a bit behind (as usual). Hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures up soon. Posts in December may be erratic, but as my personal life straightens out and I let of go a few responsibilities, I hope to focus on this dearly beloved blog of mine.

Okay, wow. Let's just talk about the craziness of the holidays for a minute. This is probably the first holiday season in my life where I have felt completely overwhelmed. Traveling here, then there, then back to here, budgeting and crafting and decorating and trying not to piss off any relatives. It's exhausting! And now that we have a baby munchkin there's pressure to make this time of year extra special. Which is stupid because he's not going to remember it and the most fun he'll have won't be from opening presents on Christmas morning, it will be from attempting to pull all the ornaments off the Christmas tree EVERY THREE SECONDS.

I am trying to focus less on my failures or successes and remember why we celebrate in the first place.

On that note, here's a thought for the day:

Matthew 10:29-31

New International Version (NIV)
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[a] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

No matter how much of a disaster you are, you are still precious to God. He sees the masterpiece in the sticky brown lump of clay. He believes we will become what we were created to be. It doesn't happen in a day or even a year. It's a lifelong process. All we have to do is press on and take it one day at a time.

Philippians 3:12-14

New International Version (NIV)

 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Happy late Thanksgiving and early Christmas! 


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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Y is for Y Chromosome

Since I gave a shout out to girl power wayyy back when I was blogging more um, er, consistently, I thought it necessary to at least say something about the opposite species sex.

I grew up in a house filled with testosterone. I have three younger brothers and no sisters, so we dirt biked, we hiked, we played in the dirt, we terrorized our mother, we punched each other in the face for fun (or at least I thought it was fun. I was, however, the one doing the punching in most cases). It was very awesome and quite interesting.

Especially if you consider falling in the toilet at 3 a.m. EVERY NIGHT interesting ...

When I found out I was pregnant, I wished and hoped that maybe, just maybe, it would be a girl. I figured surely, SURELY the cosmos would be on my side. The testosterone/estrogen ratio is so off in my family it just HAD to swing towards an XX outcome. Right?


Baby Munchkin was quite up front about his gender at the 20 week ultrasound. He did a complete flip flop just so the ultrasound tech could say, "Oh! We definitely know what you're having  ... " Then he flipped back over, then flipped over AGAIN so she could take pictures.

For proof, you know. Just in case I got it into my head I was having a girl anyway and painted the nursery pink and bought oodles of hair ribbons.

I was disappointed for about two seconds. And there's still hope. However, since the cosmos has been most uncooperative in the past, I'm not so sure I want to test that out again. I could end up with 12 boys and have to make excuses like these when they hit puberty:

The setting: futuristic Wal-Mart full of Wall-E-esque humans

Some grotesquely overweight person: (whispering) "Look at that woman! She has FIVE shopping carts!! OMG!"

Me: "Oh, is that me you're talking about? Didn't you hear the world is ending yesterday? Wait, that didn't happen? It must be TOMORROW then. PREPARE FOR THE DAY OF DOOOOMMMMM. DOOOOOMMMMM!!!!"

Or, "I'm just getting my daily rations to feed the pack of feral zombie dogs I keep in my car in case I meet someone I don't like ... (evil laughter) MUAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA."


The other day I was daydreaming about being able to buy pink things and bows and dress-up clothes and I realized I was being ungrateful. I am SO THANKFUL for my healthy little XY munchkin. He is healthy, he is perfect, he is happy and amazing and wonderful. I am very lucky.

So, despite the fact that he will always find peeing outside fascinating, I love my Y baby :)

And so help me God, he is going to learn proper toilet seat etiquette.


that's what you think, mom. you forgot i'm in charge here.
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30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 6

Day 6 ~ Books

Dr. Seuss, my favorite author

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

X is for X Chromosome

AND NOW ... you get exclusive access into my brain. Inside Edition, people! If my thought process were a movie it would be incredibly epic.

 Like Inception.

Without the cleverness.

Or the Leonardo DiCaprio.

This is my brain trying desperately to figure out what to write about for this a2z post:

X, x, hmm ... xylophone! But why would I write a whole post about a xylophone? 

I could just retype the X page from Dr. Seuss's A, B, C, Book ...

What else starts with X. Xavier? As in Charles Xavier? I don't even like X-Men. Except for Hugh Jackman. But that is beside the point.

I know, Vin Diesel! Wasn't he Triple-X in one of his movies or something? I could discuss the incredibly diabolical way in which he names his movies. Really, who else would have thought to take out one little conjunction (is "the" a conjunction? Conjunction Junction, what's your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses ... )Boom! It's a whole new movie title. And then when you see it on TV you can't figure out which one's what because you can't remember what went where. 

Or rather "the".

But wait ... the title of the post would be XXX.

Not going there.

Back to square number uno.

Numbers ... x ... that reminds me of college algebra!

What happens if you divide x by x? Does it cease to exist?


This is why I love algebra.

Wait a second .... XX ... that reminds me of something ...





WHAT A COMPLETELY NERDY, RANDOM, UNRELATED THING TO THINK OF ... it's PERFECT! I could write a deep, thought-provoking post about the differences between men and women and the nature/nurture debate. 

Yeah, that would be fun!

Or not.

After all that laboriousness, I realized all I really wanted to say is this:

Girls Rock.

The End.


This Post was brought to you today by Sleep Deprivation and the letter X.

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Bloggy ADHD

See those baby ducks? Those are like my thoughts.
Completely disorganized.
Mmhmm, yes see I do, young Padawan.
See what I mean? Ducks to Yoda?
How did that even HAPPEN?!?
Soooo ... in case you haven't noticed, I am not a "niche" blogger. Probably because my brain doesn't work in "niches". More like, "photography, parenthood, holidays, crocheting, recipes, manicures, mothering, Christianity, crafting .... ohhh, looky. Something SHINY!"

I may have bloggy ADHD. But that's okay. I'm being true to my personality in all its fractured glory. It's more fun that way.

For people who enjoy order, however, it might be a teensy bit overwhelming to read through my blog posts. As in, it could give you Internet whiplash. I'm all over the map with my subjects.

To address this, one of the upcoming changes I'll be making is adding navigation. If you're visiting from Crochet Pattern Central to get the mustache tutorial, there will be a link to the rest of my crochet patterns (except I don't have any other crochet patterns yet. Oh yeah). If you saw a manicure on Pinterest, you'll be able to go to the rest of the mani posts with the click of a mouse.

You can still get the full force of my all-over-the-mapness by going to the home page if you so desire.

I'm also thinking about posting specific subjects on specific days. That's still in the works, though. Hopefully as I start blogging more, it will evolve naturally.

Here's hoping this will retain some of the 5,000+ visitors this site has gotten. Woo!

I love you, my dear followers. And I will get some organization going on up in here!


P.S. Roo over at {NiceGirlNotes} has a great post about niche-ness for all the rest of you un-niche-esque bloggers. You can find it here.
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30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 5

Day 5 ~ Morning Sky

and the reason I was up to take a picture of the morning sky ... COFFEE!!!

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W is for WoW

Before munchkin came along, I used to ponder what it would be like to have a kid. I figured it would be tough. Most people I talked to, in fact, made it seem like hell. Countless sleepless nights? Surely they are overexaggerating. It can't really be that hard to take care of something the size of a Christmas turkey, can it?

For some stupid, stupid reason, I thought those people were mistaken. Teething sucks? Yeah, whatever. You will change one million diapers. Uh huh. Right. You won't sleep, even if your baby sleeps, because you will be lying awake staring at the ceiling fan and worrying about whether or not your baby is sleeping. That's just ridiculous. Who would be that illogical?

The answer: me. And yet, what no one tells you is that somehow, for some strange reason, you don't really mind changing your kid's diaper for the fiftieth time that day. You are willing to stay up until three o'clock in the morning rocking your screaming child. Are you exhausted? Absolutely. Are you desperately wishing your child would stop crying? Most definitely. But through it all, you would go to the ends of the earth for them. You would take their place a million times over if you could.

Being a parent has given me whole new insight into what God went through giving up his only Son. Wow.

So despite the fact giant dog hair solar systems dance whimsically around grimy baseboards and both bedrooms look like WWIII and Project Runway collided and I haven't done the dishes in ... when was the last time I did the dishes? Hmm ...

It doesn't matter.

As the most awesome and amazing Beatles put it, Love Is All You Need ...

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 3 & 4

Day 3 ~ Happiness
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. you make me hap-PPPPYYY when skies are gray ... "
Day 4 ~ Leaves
As in, the leaves I have yet to rake up. Bad housewife!

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V is for Verse

As in Scripture Verse.

My favorite is 1 John 4:4 ~ Greater is He who is in me that he who is in the world!

What's your favorite verse?

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Monday, November 7, 2011

Glitter Ombre Nails

The original inspiration for this idea came from ... Pinterest. Yeah ...

It is SO EASY!

1. Paint your nails a solid color.

2. Pour out a quarter size blob of your favorite glitter nail polish on a paper plate.

3. Use a clean makeup sponge to dab glitter on your nails. Concentrate on the tip and then taper off as you go down for an ombre effect.

4. Add a topcoat.



P.S. Colors are E.L.F. Black and Pure Ice Cheatin' : )
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Sunday, November 6, 2011

30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 2

Day 2 ~ Smile
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Saturday, November 5, 2011

30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 1

Day 1 ~ Favorite Food

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Friday, November 4, 2011

30 Day Photo Challenge

With the holidays coming up, it's incredibly easy to forget to enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.

 (You know, because we all love being buried in 15 feet of snow, scraping ice off our car windows EVERY DAY, putting coats on and taking them off and putting them on and taking them off again :P)

Whilst trolling Pinterest, I came across a thirty day photo challenge of things you're grateful for from Positively Present. November is a perfect time to be thankful ... and what better way to be thankful for my shiny new camera than this! Plus it will help me forget that it is FREEZING outside!

I may post a photo every day or post a week's worth ... y'all know how I am about structure ... as in, there is no such thing ...

I'll try to post at least once a week!

Join me if you dare :-)


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Thursday, November 3, 2011

U is for Urine

"I am going to be sooo embarrassed by this blog post when I'm fifteen ... "
It's funny how your life becomes completely centered around bodily functions when you have a kid. Their eating, their pooping, their sleeping, their peeing. Over and over and over. And now, YOU GET TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!


Having a baby boy makes diaper changing verrrry interesting.

The third or fourth time I changed Baby Munchkin at home, I turned away for two seconds and realized I had a fountain spewing from the changing table all over the carpet. Since we're renters, I panicked and tried to catch it. With my entire upper body. Including my face.

Baby T: 1
Mommy: 0

"oopsie ... was your mouth open, mom?
my bad .... "
When he was about three months, I had a brilliant idea to change Baby Munchkin on my lap in the car. I had just finished feeding him and we were in a hurry, so I figured it would be quicker that way. Guess what happened?

Yes, he did. All over my lap. BEFORE I had to go get groceries in Wal-Mart. People looked at me funny. And it was too hard to explain the real story, so I just pretended I had escaped from a mental hospital.

Not really. But that would have been. EPIC.

Baby T: 2
Mommy: 0

The other day, Baby Munchkin peed on me again. While I was at work (I take him with me to my part-time job). And I didn't realize it until I went to the bank and noticed my leg felt kinda weird.

The worst part? I was wearing khakis. KHAKIS.

"got her again! high-five my baby homies! WUT!"
Baby T: 3
Mommy: 0

And finally, remember when an older, wiser person told you your bladder would go to sh*t after giving birth?

I have become that older, wiser person.

I took up running, you see. And running plus a post-baby bladder (and forgetting to do Kegels) DO NOT MIX. Trust me on this.

Baby T: 4
Mommy: 0

I was just extremely thankful I had a pair of warm-up pants to put on for the walk home. Because nobody would believe the mental hospital routine in a town as small as mine ...

Or maybe they would ...

T Dubbs FTW. 


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Wednesday, November 2, 2011


My dog is gone.

We took him to a new home. Hopefully he will be much happier than he was here. The whole scenario has been a mess since we got him two years ago. For some reason, Bean just didn't get along with the hubby (or anyone else). He was constantly hiding from Chance and running away and eating diapers and peeing on the floor and getting in the trash can and jumping on the baby's head and mauling our guests. And then there was that time when he ate an entire bottle of ibuprofen and had to get his stomach pumped so he wouldn't die. 

That was one of many incidents.

Sooo ... yeah, he was a bad dog. He will be much happier with my grandparents. He will get plenty of attention and they actually have time to discipline him and there are no babies for him to jump on. It's PERFECT.

I miss him. But I know this is for the best. And I'm gonna be a grown up about it. Really.

And the rest of the universe is extremely happy and my house is finally peaceful again. That's what really matters.

While I'm getting over this (oh, the melodrama), I'm spending plenty of time hugging and squeezing Baby Munchkin.

They grow up so fast.


P.S. Blogging is good therapy. Even if everyone else thinks I'm just a sappy hormonal idiot. 

Which I am.

But that is beside the point.
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Friday, October 28, 2011

Spooky, Creepy, EASY and Just Plain Awesome Mani Ideas

In typical me fashion, I still have no idea what my costume will be this year. Baby Munchkin's covered, hubby's got a costume for a haunted house gig, even the pooches will be getting dressed up. But me? Nothing. Nada. Zip.


I considered the usual - zombie, ghost, mummy, taco, Lady Gaga, Marilyn Monroe, nudist ... now that would REALLY scare the kiddos ...

Nothing is clicking at the moment. I do, however, have some kick-ants mani ideas. I may end up in a paper bag on the 31st, but by golly my nails will be done!

Here's some super simple ways to spookify a basic mani. You could easily do this (or have someone else do it) with an unbent bobby pin and some patience!

Nail dotting tool - their version
and my version
The Dexter

Paint your nails a solid color (white or black works best). Use your bobby pin to add some blood droplets. Easy peasy!

The Casper

Paint your nails a solid color. Add two dots for eyes. This would be really fun with glow-in-the-dark paint!

The Tutankhamun

Paint your nails a solid color. Add some criss-crossing lines. Paint one of the sections black. Then add eyes in that space.

The Frankenstein

I found this idea on Pinterest. Paint your nails a solid color. Then cut strips of scotch tape into teeth-ish shapes and stick them on your nails. Paint the exposed portion a different color. I let my nail polish get tacky but not totally dry before I pulled it off.

The Scooby Doo

Paint your nails a solid color. Add two perpendicular lines on each nail for window panes. Then add some spooky eyes a la Scooby Doo.

Have fun this weekend!


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Monday, October 24, 2011

The Edward Effect

Remember my new assortment of shiny rocks?

Well, I returned it.

It was too big and shiny and ... big. And did I mention expensive? Plus, I was petrified of losing it. I DO NOT need another thing to worry about, thank you very much.

I knew it was a bad idea when we got it, but I was blinded by the bling bling. It was so gorgeous under those 14,000 store lights. Zales could single-handedly keep an energy company in business.

That ring was so glittery and shiny and pretty that it disguised the 29% interest rate of the card we put it on. Stupid, stupid.

I call this phenomenon "The Edward Effect". Sparkly things are just more attractive, despite the fact that they are blood sucking, soulless monsters who want to KILL you.

So back to the store it went. My original wedding ring is currently getting repaired, so I'm enjoying wearing all-those pre-engagement rings that only fit on my left ring finger!

After returning the big, shiny, big, expensive assortment of shiny rocks, I got THIS:

Remember when I said I wanted a Canon Rebel? Well, I changed my mind. Surprised?


It's a Nikon D5100. I settled on it after countless hours of pondering . This one's got the best reviews and features for a camera in its price range. I can't wait to add accessories and accessories and more accessories.

That is, of course, after I figure out how to work it :-)


I am in lve.


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Friday, October 21, 2011

♪ ♫ ♪ Ba-na-na-na-na-na, Ba-na-na-na-na-na ♪ ♫ ♪

Sing the title. It's more fun that way. Kind of like singing "you make me feel ... like a pony ...  like a pony ... like a pony" instead of just saying it ... or typing it. Oh well. Billy Idol is a weirdo. Look. it. up.

Munchkin is eating SOLID FOOD! What a grand adventure that is. So far, we have tried rice cereal and sweet potatoes and ba-na-na-na-na-nas. Next on the menu is peas. Yumm-o.

I have learned two important lessons. First of all:


Babies can go from adorable chubby bundles of happiness to weapons of mass destruction in 0.5 seconds. You look away, then back, then do a double take because your child has disappeared under a slimy mess of smushed bananas. Oops.


Exhibit A: (me) Oohh, look! He's trying to feed himself! How cuutttee.
Exhibit B: (munchkin) *gigantic drooly grin*
Exhibit C: (sweet potatoes) LOOK AT MEEEE!! I'M FLLYYYINNNGGG!!! *splat*

So, yeah. Take it from me. This pretty much spells DOOM for anything in a 50 foot radius.

Unless you like the look of orange polka dots on your white curtains.

 Or you want to run to the bathroom screaming, "MY EYES! MY EYES!"

Or you want house guests to ask why there are orange boogers on your ceiling ("Wellll, we tried to microwave an oompa loompa last summer. Turns out they explode just like Peeps!")

♪ ♫ ♪ oompa, loompa, doo pah dee BOOM ...

Don't you love being a parent? : )


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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Random Facts of Kindness ... or not

Do you know what STAT means?

It is a medical term originating from the Latin word "statem", which means IMMEDIATELY.

It also stands for Sooner Than Already There ... which pretty much says it all.

Example: Get me some Ben & Jerry's STAT.
                               I need a hot water bottle for these stupid cramps STAT.

Can you tell I have a touch of PMS?

Unfortunately, hubby also has PMS. The male kind. Otherwise known as "piss & moan syndrome". You see, he doesn't feel good. And he wants a drink. And a sandwich. And the TV remote.

How 'bout this? I claw out your eyeballs, squeeze out the juice, and use the leftover pieces to make a sandwich.

Then you won't need the dang TV remote.

PMS is ug-lay.  Yes, indeed.

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Homemade Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

When I first discovered this recipe on Design*Sponge, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. For some reason, these chocolate chip peanut butter cups just taste better than pre-packaged processed candy. They are DELICIOUS.

I made these for a going away party for one of the hubby's coworkers, so I refrained from Halloweening them.

Boo ya. New word invented.

But the chocolate cups would be SO CUTE with spider web designs on them. Or you could make the white chocolate ones into ghosts. Possibilities = endless.

The following is adapted from the original recipe (found here). It makes 12 cups.


2 packages chocolate chips (I used milk chocolate and vanilla chips, but any chocolate will do)
1 cup peanut butter (about 1/2 an 18 oz jar)
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup crushed graham crackers
1 teaspoon salt
powdered sugar (for dusting)

1. Get out your muffin pan. Dust it off. Pop in some paper (or aluminum) muffin liners.

2. Melt one package of chocolate chips. This is my cheapskate version of a double boiler:

It would probably give Martha Stewart a heart attack. But it seems to work pretty well.

You could also use a microwave, but I am an utter failure at melting chocolate this way. Possibly because I have no patience.

TIP: When melting white or vanilla chocolate chips, the chocolate often "seizes", meaning it melts and then gets all grainy and hard again. If this happens, turn down the heat, add about a tablespoon of shortening, and mix it in as it melts. Voila!

3. Coat the muffin liners with chocolate. The easiest way to do this is to put a big glob in the bottom and then use the back of a spoon to coat the sides. Once that's finished, you can put more chocolate on the bottom if needed. Beware, this step is messy! You will probably get chocolate on your fingers.

Oh darny shucks.

Whatever will you do?

4. Put the chocolate shells in the fridge or freezer for about 15 minutes.

5. In the mean time, make the filling. I usually use my food processor. I grind up graham crackers in it first, then add all the other ingredients. You could also use a stand mixer, a hand mixer or a good old-fashioned wooden spoon.

6. Next, split the peanut butter mixture into 12 equal portions. Get out a cutting board (preferably not the one you use for raw chicken :-). Throw down some white stuff. Not that white stuff. Dump your peanut butter mixture on top. Sprinkle it with more powdered sugar. Then gently pat it out into a rectangle. Use as much powdered sugar as necessary to keep it from sticking to you/the counter/your face. Cut it into 12 portions and roll each one between your hands to form circle-ish shapes.

THE CHEATER'S WAY: If you're not slightly OCD like me, you can simply add a bit more powdered sugar to the mix and spoon it into each chocolate shell. Which leads us to step number seven.

7. Get your chocolate shells out of the fridge/freezer. Place a peanut butter ball/spoonful in each one. Pat it down with your fingers. You may need more powdered sugar. Just don't wipe your nose with powdered sugar covered fingers and then go to the grocery store. People will look at you funny.

8. Melt the other bag of chocolate in your double boiler/microwave. Spoon a nice big dollop onto each cup and spread it around. Put it back in the fridge/freezer and let the chocolate set. It takes about 30 minutes in a freezer and an hour in the fridge.

9. Once the chocolate is hardened, decorate them! I used leftover melted chocolate to drizzle the tops. As you can plainly see, I'm not too skilled at this. But they still taste good!

10. Enjoy!
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