Friday, December 28, 2012

'Gram It

Hi peeps,

As 2012 draws to a close, I want to recap one of the year's greatest phenomenons ... besides leggings. And can I just take a moment to say, "HOORAY FOR LEGGINGS! NOW I CAN GET DRESSED WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO GET DRESSED."

Plus, they're stretchy. Which means the pounds I gained from Christmas dinner *groan* don't even matter.

Strrretchy pants >>>

 Unfortunately, mine are more of the garden variety black.

And my cape got caught in a boat propeller last summer and ... long story.

Anyhoo, I want to honor Instagram. Yes, I know people got p.o.'ed about their new privacy policy (which I believe they re-wrote ... but I'm not sure). But what other free application allows you to take mediocre photos of everyday objects with crappy camera phones and make them amazing (and perfectly square)?

I mean, when else is it okay to take a picture of your feet? YOUR FEET, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Yes, those are my stubby-toed appendages with weird green polish. I was caught up in the wonder of the 'gram. Don't judge.

How else can you disguise the fact that your kitchen carpet (ew) is every eye-popping shade of the early eighties AND seizure-inducing?

Or record the moments when your child does something ridiculously obnoxious and put a filter on it to make it seem memorable and special, even though at the time you wanted to put your fist through a wall?

And how else it is okay to take a picture of yourself? Like, ever?
I have no idea why my default photo pose makes it look like a UFO is descending 
right outside the frame. 

I think what I love most is Instagram motivates people to record moments. I know the photos of my early childhood, despite their lack of filters and special effects, are treasures. And I hope my kids get a kick out of looking at all these pics in a decade or so. Hopefully, they won't be rolling their eyes and saying, "Mommm, you Instagrammed that, too? Why?" Or, "Why are all your pictures perfect squares?" Or, "Why is everything a weird shade of green?"

And hey, in 50 years, you may think that Instagrammed picture of the sandwich you're currently devouring is boss.

Or not.

But maybe.

What 2012 phenomenon are you loving? Besides leggings, of course.

Join me in the Instagram madness @walkerwhimsy
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Monday, December 24, 2012

A PheGNOMEinal Christmas ~ Part Three

As we conclude our gnome-y series (all three posts plus an addendum on toadstools ... I'm such a slacker), I wanted to share where we got our inspiration. It's a book called, "Gnomes" by Wil Huygen with pictures by Rien Poortvliet. My mom has had it since she was a little girl and it's absolutely adorable.

You can get it on Amazon here.

Now on to less gnome-y things.

If you're looking for something to do today, may I suggest salt dough ornaments?

I made these glittered star ones with T a few weeks back and ... well, it was terrible. He tried to eat the dough. Then he threw it. He dumped out the cookie cutters on the floor (all 125 of them). He cried when I put the ornaments in the oven. He sucked craft paint off the paintbrush when I was trying to decorate them, leading to a panicked rush to find out if craft paint is toxic (its not). Plus, I ended up burning most of them. Then I put them on this tiny tree and the lights magically stopped working. Grrr.

We also made keepsake hand print ornaments, but the photo has disappeared from my camera. FYI, foot prints would have been MUCH easier. Less unclenching of tiny baby fingers required.

Despite this year's experience, I would love to try again in 2013. It would probably work much better for children over two (especially if you don't happen to be an obsessive compulsive perfectionist, your oven timer doesn't regularly malfunction, and your kid doesn't enjoy the taste of craft paint).

And that's that! Merry Christmas Eve! Here's a video where I get T to say, "Merry Christmas" a few times, sing his version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and terrorize his sister.

Have a lovely holiday!
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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Tiny Toadstools ~ A PheGNOMEinal Addendum

On Monday we talked about 'shrooms, complete with a careful rendering of how Christmas ornaments would look while tripping. I have absolutely no actual experience in this area, so I turned to Photoshop.

These are your Christmas ornaments:

These are your Christmas ornaments on drugs:

Apparently if I ever ingest a psilocybin mushroom, I'll start seeing photobombing rainbow cows.

Which doesn't sound very appealing ... I'll just stick to Photoshop ...

Anyhoo, as far as the other type of 'shrooms go, I made these for our pheGNOMEinal Christmas tablescape:

Since they pretty much reek awesomeness without actually smelling like fungus, they're great for decorating. I could see these in a terrarium, hidden in house plants, or scattered around in random places.

Like your shower, for instance.

It would be a great way to get rid of house guests ;-)

You will need:

1 inch by 2 inch pieces of card stock
Hot glue gun and glue sticks
Felt or fabric in the color of your choice
White craft paint
A paintbrush

To make the stem:

Roll up a 1 inch by 2 inch piece of card stock. Glue. I used hot glue because I really enjoy hot glue burns all over the tips of my fingers. JK. Be more careful than I was (don't try to do it while eating a sandwich) and you'll be fine.

For the top:

Cut out two circles of felt or fabric. Trim your bottom circle so it's slightly smaller than the top circle. Cut a small "x" in the center. Place your card stock stem through it and attach with a bit of hot glue. Then take your top circle and glue it to the base piece around the edge. It will pucker up a bit for a toadstool-y effect.

Finally, dot craft paint on the top of the mushroom. Let dry.


I hereby promise to stop Photoshopping random photos with rainbow cows.


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Monday, December 10, 2012

A PheGNOMEinal Christmas ~ Part Two


As promised, here are a few shots of our pheGNOMEinal Christmas tablescape:

Another gnome hat, feathers, pine cones, candles, ribbons, the thrifted owl from my Anthropologie hack ...

... an old tablecloth, acorn salt and pepper shakers, and these little guys:

Tiny toadstools! 

I'll (hopefully) be back with a tutorial for these little guys semi-soon. 

Because who doesn't want some sweet 'shrooms?

Not that kind of 'shroom.

That kind of 'shroom would make this:

 look like this:

Just say "no" to drugs and "yes" to Photoshop :-)
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Thursday, December 6, 2012

A PheGNOMEinal Christmas ~ Part One

The overall-ed helper
Once upon a time ...

There was a person who thought it would be awesome to have a gnome Christmas tree. She enlisted the help of her crazy talented brother and her overall-ed helper and with a whopping budget of zero dollars, set about to create the greatest (and maybe only) gnome Christmas tree in the world.

She was so happy with the results she took a gazillion pictures and blogged about them.

And then she became famous and made a gazillion dollars.

And then she said, "gazillion" again just for funsies.

The End

In case you're wondering, that was a mostly true story. Also, I was in my pajamas for two days trying to get it done. The overall-ed helper and his sister were not very cooperative.

Behold, The Greatest Gnome Christmas Tree in the World!

I'm pretty sure the weird black blob at the bottom is
the Spirit of Christmas Awesome
... or possibly the dog

Decorated with a collection of last year's ornaments, ribbon from my wedding (still!), some of mom's
ornaments, jute, burlap and miscellany from my craft stash and pure awesomeness in the form of ...
tiny gnome hats! (made with felt triangles, jute twine and hot glue)
tiny polymer clay mushrooms! (made and painted by my brother and I)
a giant gnome hat! (made with fabric from the craft stash)

 And the best part ... polymer clay gnomes for each family member made by this crazy guy >>>>>>>>

Believe it or not, he wasn't adopted :)

We have Pop Pop Gnome:

 Mimi Gnome (the spirit of Christmas Awesome photobombed this picture, too):

 Grover Gnome (note the extra long arms and neatly manicured beard):

 Me Gnome (complete with giant crochet hook/eye gouging device; the other arm holds a detachable baby, but she's hanging out by herself at the moment):

Ethan Gnome with dreads and weaponry:

Luke Gnome skiing down an invisible mountain of awesome:

Josh Gnome (upside down, of course):

T Dubbs Gnome catching a ride:

And Princess Polka Dot Gnome (Ethan made her yelling instead of smiling angelically ... VERY apropros):

And there ya go!

Totally worth a gazillion dollars, no?

What meaningful Christmas ornaments/decorations do you have? Do you love gnomes, fairies, talking donkeys, and the like? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WEAR THAT GIANT GNOME HAT?!?

I most certainly do :-)
Check back soon for more of our Gnome-tastic Christmas decor!
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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Black Friday Zombies and 2 for 1 BRAAIINNNNSSS!!!

Hi peeps!

We're recuperating from a bug around here, so this post is only, oh, a week or so past due. 

Late. It's how I roll.


How was your Turkey Day? Ours was mostly lovely. We went to my grandma's house and enjoyed extremely delicious food and the company of friends and family. Also, I didn't have to cook anything but pumpkin pie. Win? I think yes.

The problem was the ride home. We decided to go on a manic rampage around town to find a Redbox with Brave. I was driving, so of course we got lost (in my home town  ... wait, was that north?). We finally found one at a McDonald's on the far side of town. But then, of course, we were at McDonald's and Grover was magically starving and I was all, wahh? did you not just devour half a turkey? But evidently there's something about those golden arches that signals the stomachs of men to say, "FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME."

Let's do this thang.
In a safe and law-abiding way, of course.
In case you're wondering, I totally made that face ...
So he got a burger and fries.

By now it was time to feed Baby G again. I nursed her while Grover devoured his fifth (sixth?) meal of the day. All seemed well until I tried to put Princess Polka Dot back in her car seat. She started screaming like someone was pulling her toes off. I tried calming her down and rocking and cooing, gas drops, feeding her again. Nothing. She was mad and that was that. We thought maybe she would cool off when the car actually started moving, so I strapped the tiny ball of baby fury into her seat and we got on it like that guy in Fast & Furious. Sorta.

We had been in the car approximately 10 minutes when G started yet another round of horrible pterodactyl-esque screaming. We tried ignoring it, hoping the gas drops would kick in. That didn't happen, so we decided to go somewhere and walk around until the fit passed and she fell asleep. Nothing was open. I was pretty certain my ears were going to start bleeding if we didn't stop ASAP, so we pulled into the nearest available parking lot. It just happened to be Target.

I noticed a police car first. Odd, I thought. As we turned into a parking space, I realized the entire parking lot was packed at 7:30 p.m. What the heck was going on? There were lines upon lines of people with their faces pressed against the glass doors. Was there a bear loose in Target? A streaker maybe?

Then I remembered Black Friday, that quintessential holiday of American greed and utter disrespect for others in the name of a good deal on things we don't really need to be happy. Lovely.

I also remembered this scene from Zombieland.

The similarities between the two crowds were strikingly similar (forgive me for not taking a picture of the Black Friday zombies, but I had gone into "must get the baby calmed down" mommy brain thing).

People in pajamas and various states of undress, crazy hair, how all of them turned to glare at the sound of our car engine, even the red glints in their eyes (maybe from the reflection of the giant neon bulls eye, maybe not ... ). There was less blood, but that would most likely change once the doors opened.

My muscles started humming. I heard blood rushing in my ears. I mentally rehearsed all two of my ninja moves. Adrenaline made my stomach muscles clench.

 Dang it, I really had to pee all of a sudden, too.

I was ready to fight off this horrid mob and protect my family.

But then somebody slapped somebody, and the attention turned away from us.

And we decided to park at Vitamin Cottage instead.

Cuz if there's zombies there, they'll probably be peace-loving hippie zombies who just want some sweet herbs, man.

Or not.

Either way, I'd better work on my ninja skills.
A rather accurate representation of me doing some awesome kung fu.

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Friday, November 16, 2012

Amendment 64

Hi peeps,

I live in Colorado. In case you didn't know, it's one of two states that just legalized marijuana. Depending on who you are, that's either REALLY RAD or REALLY BAD. Personally, I'm undecided. There's a very good chance I'm allergic to marijuana, so Amendment 64 isn't my biggest problem (hello? have you ever potty-trained a toddler?).

Now, if I start breaking out in hives every time I leave my home, then I'm gonna be pissed.

At the moment, it really doesn't really matter to me. I don't know much about it, as witnessed by this post.

I'll pause while you get through that.

Yes, really.

I know, ridiculous.


The real reason I'm thinking about this is I just finished this Jamaican/rasta/total stoner hat. At least I'm told it's a total stoner hat. As you may know, I am modeling my own creations (scary/creepy/what the heck was that face I just pulled?).

Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea how to look like a stoner.

Or a Jamaican for that matter.

So I did what any self-respecting nerd wishing to be politically correct (isn't it now that Amendment 64 passed?) nerdy, homeschooled, possibly allergic to weed human being would do. I Googled it.

This article was particularly helpful.

The 19 Stoner Faces of Michael Phelps

My favorite:
15. The "A taco shell MADE OUT OF DORITOS?!" face
Seeing as I don't look much like Mr. Phelps (and don't smoke mary jane ... did you see that? I correctly used a pseudonym for "marijuana". Boo. ya.), I'm not sure that's gonna help.

And now that I've written this post, I'm pretty certain I'll now look ridiculous no matter what face I make.

Where's Puff when you need him?

Oh, that's right.

He's on the couch. Eating Cheetos and goldfish and getting man (dragon?) boobs.

There. All my knowledge of marijuana encapsulated in one post.

You know, beside all the technical stuff I read on Wikipedia.

The end.
If I were a cat and weed looked like cilantro.
Wait ...
Does weed look like cilantro?

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Monday, November 12, 2012

"It's on my to-do list" and random binder jokes

I am a big list maker. I have binders full of lists ... okay, they're notebooks.

Here forth commences binder jokes gathered from the Internets JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE FUNNY.

I'm not trying to make a political statement. The election is over. That's why I waited to post these. So just chill, okay? Unclench your jaw muscles ... and other muscles. Breath. If you really can't handle it, use the nifty wheel on your mouse and go past it fasterthanspeedygonzalesandothertypesofrodents to the point of this post.

Now ...

The only scene of this movie I truly remember
is the watermelon. I can totally relate to that.
My sentiments exactly.
What does that even mean?
This is probably only funny
because I'm a fan of classical music.
Really, though, I have no idea who this guy is.
too. many. children's. movies.
My favorite. Whoever this photographer
(photoshopper?) was, I salute you.
Now, if you chose to scroll, hi! I still love you. Let's change the subject.

I have to-do lists, to-don't lists, color lists, project lists, lists of words, lists of favorite things. I really, really like lists.

Without my to-do list, I would stay in my pajamas all day and eat ramen noodles and read. That's it. The end.

But I already do that.

Hrmm. Maybe it's not the lists, then.

Even though my beloved lists seem to be rather ineffectual at this point in time, I still make them. I never thought my to-do list would include such things as:

> Fish 19 Hot Wheels cars out of the recycle bin
> Quick! Where's the Hoover DAM ARNICA!
> Hide the spoons
> Remove the sharp objects from the kitchen drawers and put them ... where?
> Find my other shoe
> Find Grover's other shoe
>Find Talen's other shoe
(We have a shoe bandit.)
> Pick up the pencils, Sharpies, highlighters, and pens scattered around the house.
(The shoe bandit has diversified. Be afraid, Papermate. Be very, very afraid.)
> Erase the chalk marks off the refrigerator.
> Find all the binkies (currently 3 out of 12 have been located ... )
> Dig the rotting piece of ... something (what IS that?) out from under the couch cushions.
> Wash the white couch AGAIN. White couch, I hate you.
And always, always
> Find the missing library book

Ah, to-do lists. Without them I would have no idea just how unproductive I am.

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