testing, testing

Test post for RSS Graffiti.

Apologies.

Techy techy stuff is icky.

If you think of me, please say "I love hot dogs" nine times.

If you see this post in your FB feed, please shout "HALLELUJAH!" and hit "LIKE"!!!

If you get kidnapped by a whale, you are on your own.

Crochet Keys Pattern

Hi peeps,

Here's the crochet pattern I promised you!

They are crocheted keys! You could use them for appliques, dress-up props, Christmas ornaments (for those who think wayyy ahead!), in scrapbooks, on cards, or hang them on the wall a la YHL.

They are not, however, useful when your child locks himself in the bathroom.

Yeah, I should probably go attend to that ...

I used regular old Red Heart Super Saver yarn and a G hook.

Abbreviations are as follows:

ch = chain
sc = single crochet
sl st = slip stitch
dc = double crochet

Here are the patterns!

Left key:


Ch 5; join.
Ch 1, sc 7 times in ring, join.
Ch 1, sl st in next sc, ch 4, sl st in next sc. Sl st in next 2 sc, picot (ch 2, sl st in first ch), sl st in next 2 sc, ch 4, sl st in next 2 sc.

Ch 11. Dc in 4th ch from hook. Dc in next ch.
Finish off; weave in ends.



Middle key:

Ch 5; join.
Ch 1, sc 7 times in ring, join.
Ch 1, sl st in next 4 sc, ch 4, sl st in same sc, sl st in next sc, ch 4, sl st in same sc. Sl st in last 4 sc.
Ch 11. Dc in 4th ch from hook. Dc in next ch.
Finish off; weave in ends.

Right key:


Ch 5; join.
Ch 1, sc 7 times in ring, join.
Ch 1, sl st in next sc, ch 6, skip 1 sc, sl st in next sc. Ch 3, sl st in next sc. Ch 6, skip 1 sc, sl st in next 2 sc.

Ch 11. Dc in 4th ch from hook. Dc in next ch.
Finish off; weave in ends.

I starched mine with a 50/50 mix of white glue and water.

Please let me know if you find any mistakes or have any questions!

keys on keys!

Hope you likey! : )

More {crochet} stuff here.

Linking up at:
Petals to Picots
Dragonfly Designs

This item is yours for the taking the {walker whimsy} Etsy shop! Clicky, clicky!

Rearranging and Chest Hair ... not "Rearranging Chest Hair". That would be weird.

You know how some people like to rearrange their furniture? I like to rearrange the bloggy. Take a look towards the top and you'll see ... drum roll please ... PAGES! Finally! :-)

Unnecessary Explanations:

Home - This lists the most recent posts. If you get lost on the blog (highly unlikely), just click here (kinda like the cyber version of clicking your heels together three times) and hey presto! You're back in Kansas! Or somewhere much cooler than Kansas. Also, less flat.
About - This is a page about me. Duh. The first sentence is a grammatical nightmare. Sorry, mom.
Etsy - Here you can see the latest Etsy listings for my shop.
Subscribe - Here's some different ways to subscribe. (Once again, duh.) Please pick a way to stay updated that suits you best. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.
Topics - This is a breakdown of the subjects I blog about most often.
Randomness - You'll just have to see for yourself *suspicious face* <<< have no idea what that actually looks like.
Come at me, bro. - My feeble attempt to sound like a bad a$$ when all I'm really doing is listing basic contact information.
Legaleeze - My disclaimer. I'm not really sure it's necessary up there, but we'll leave it until I can think of something better.

I've also de-cluttered the sidebar a bit. It's still a work in progress (because I only pretend to know what the heck HTML is), but we're getting somewhere!

Love it? Hate it? Do not care one little bit? Suggestions? No suggestions? Hey, did you just see that orange tabby cat? Or that epic subject change?

Ghost busted!

Also, it has come to my attention I have quite a few ghost readers. No, not readers who are ghosts. Readers who haven't yet taken advantage of the Subscribe page up top. If you're a ghost reader, please head over there and pick your favorite way to stay up-to-date!

WHO YA GONNA CALL FOLLOW?

You know dat's right.

Here's what I did. I know, I know. More unnecessary explanations. It's how I roll.

1) Looked at my website like I was seeing for the first time. It's kind of like when you look down at your (finally) sleeping infant and think, "they are so beautiful/perfect/amazing" and then their little eyes pop open and they smile in an evil but still cute way. Or when you accidentally spray vinegar water on your counter and it boomerangs into your eyeballs and you're all "MY EYES! MY EYES!" (or if you're Spanish, "MIS OJOS! MIS OJOS!")

ANYWAY, I thought it was looking pretty cluttered on the left, so I got rid of a few unnecessary things. The right sidebar shall always and forevermore be referred to as "KICK A$$ SUBSCRIBER CENTRAL."

2) Looked at blog critique options. Did you know they charge a gazillion dollars for those? There's a few free ones out there, but they tend go all Hunger Games on you. "The first seven people to sign up WIN and the rest get shot in the butt with tranquilizer darts ... may the odds be ever in your favor." You might want to look into this if you have absolutely no idea what to do, but I decided to go ahead on my own instead of waiting to get picked out of hundreds of other bloggers.

3) Got distracted by FB. DON'T DO THIS.

4) Added pages (in your Blogger dashboard, click on "Pages" in the left sidebar. It's dang near rocket science.) Blogger only supports static pages, meaning they won't change unless you edit them manually (unless you have some special HTML coding going on). I went with the basics and a "Randomness" page. Every blog needs a Randomness page, right?

5) ORGANIZE YOUR POSTS. Because of the static pages thing, you need to have a way to get all your posts for each topic in one place. I use one of several labels (occasionally more) for every blog post. Then when people click on the "Topics" page, they can find the specific label they're interested in and go from there.

And that's it!

Next step is tackling SEO (search engine optimization). It seems a large majority of people are finding my site by Googling "pierce brosnan chest hair" ...

Also, I'll be back later today with a crochet pattern. WOOT WOOT!

And I promise it has nothing to do with Pierce Brosnan, chest hair, or Pierce Brosnan's chest hair :)

Embellished Photo Frames

Hi peeps,

My sweet SIL had a baby shower Saturday. Unfortunately I was unable to attend, but I did send along some goodies. One of the things I made were these embellished photo frames. When baby girl arrives in a month or two, SIL can swap the inserts for baby photos and give the nursery a little bling bling!

If you want to make these, all you need to do is get a few plastic photo frames (I got mine at Walmart; they are very inexpensive), insert the scrapbook paper or fabric of your choice and then get jiggy with the hot glue gun! I used pearls, crystals, ribbon, feathers, rhinestones and a key charm I had from a previous project.

For the obsessive-compulsive among us, I swear to you the pinks match (almost exactly) in real life. They didn't come across correctly in the photos, BUT THEY DO. I promise.

Can't wait to meet you, sweet little one!

Glue guns FTW!

Best of 2012

Yes, I know it's almost February. Better late than never, right?

Grumpy Cat is a mean cat. He ruins people's lives.

Perils of the Pomalift

Hi peeps,

How's your subconscious? And how do you know how your subconscious is if it's your subconscious?

Mine is randomly bringing up memories of mortifying experiences from my teenage years. Seeing as I tend to be socially awkward and rather clumsy, I have a lot of those. This one came up at last week's family breakfast. Please, have a laugh on my account ... or shake your head in dismay and feel sorry for the incredible hardships I've faced in life.

It was a rather warm March day, meaning the snow was slushy and there was more than a bit of mud. My dad was taking us skiing for the first time and I was reallllly excited. I was positive I was going to be one of the cool kids who hops on the lift, zips up the mountain, shoots down a double-black diamond and ends it all in a dramatic but amazing stop that sends snow flying nine thousand feet into a crowd of screaming fans.

YEEEAHHHHHH!!!

Book Lovers Anonymous

Hi peeps,

Sorry for the lack of postings this week! I have a problem, you see.

Baby Booties

Hullo peeps!

Just dropping in today to share a completed project! Holla!

We've Got Hops ... er Jumps

Hullo peeps,

I was checking out the formatting of the bloggy today and realized the home page is reallllllyyy long. I'm going to start adding jump breaks, so you'll need to click on the "Read More" link at the bottom of each post to get the rest of the random goodness.

I'm not, however, going to add jump breaks to all 192 of my previous posts. So, this officially takes effect ...

NOW.

With the exception of this post.

Because a jump break for five sentences is ridiculous.

....

OR IS IT?

Friday Funnies

G'day mates,

'Tis yet another round of Friday Funnies collected from the great and powerful Internets. Order up!

This is why I don't have an iPhone ... or it could be
because I can't afford one.

Courageous Creators

Hi peeps,

I wrote this last year when I was having issues with feeling like a failure. Here's my take on the creative process, circa sometime in early 2012. I hope it helps someone!

Scalloped Headbands {FREE Crochet Pattern of the Month}

Hullo peeps!

I am very pleased to introduce a new series! I will be offering a FREE crochet pattern each month, hence the very clever name "Pattern of the Month". There are several ways to subscribe in the sidebar at right so you don't miss out :-)

Now, on to the first pattern! 

I am in the process of growing out my hair. I love having it short, but I miss my up dos (and by up dos I mean unimaginative ponytails). I needed something to catch the shorter layers in front, so I made these scalloped headbands. They are easy and quick!

You'll need yarn in the color of your choice, a size G hook, and a hair elastic.

UPDATE 7/8/13: A couple people have found the starting chain to be too small (who knew I was a pinhead?). I suggest measuring your noggin with a piece of yarn right where you want the headband to sit and then making your foundation chain a few inches shorter than that. Good luck! :)

The Ganguin

Hi peeps,

T has embarked on the quest to obtain eye teeth (canines/stomach teeth/the sharp pointy ones) and it SUCKS. We're all sleep-deprived and grouchy and nothing seems to help. Poor guy.

Today I was laying on the living room floor completely exhausted. I happened to have a Sharpie and a notepad handy, so I started drawing Venn diagrams and pie charts for fun.

What? Drawing Venn diagrams and pie charts whilst laying on your living room floor isn't your idea of "fun"?

Hmm.

So this happened:

Crochet Hook Bandolier/Roll Up Case

Hi peeps,

My couch, like the couches of many other moms, is a veritable treasure trove. Cheerios, Hot Wheels, bobby pins, miscellaneous junk, fifteen pounds of dog hair, candy wrappers and unidentified objects. I could clean it. But I don't. So when my crochet hook falls in between the couch cushions, it's kind of a problem. When it happens all the time, it's a major problem.

"Don't you have a case?" you ask. Yup. But seeing as I lose anything not attached to my body, I always forget to put them back. Plus, there was no place for scissors, yarn needles or stitch markers in it, so everything just sat in there in a jumbly mess.

Friday Funnies

Hi peeps,

Happy Weekend to you! Hopefully 2013 is treating you nicely. If it's not, maybe these will make you feel better.

Cue the collective, "awwwww"

no words ... except the words "no words".

this principle applies to pretty much everything when it comes to males

ahahahahahaha

And I know this because I've seen Toy Story 9,567 times this week.

So why am I not rich? Hoover Dam.

Remember to smile this week! It might make some one's day. Or it could make them think you're concocting a plan to murder them with a coconut and a paper clip. 

Probably the latter.

 *evil laugh*

It's 2013!

Happy New Year!

Did anyone watch the New Year's Eve Party on ABC last night? I enjoyed the recaps in honor of Dick Clark, especially seeing ABBA perform "SOS" on American Bandstand in 1970-something (and did anyone else catch Fergie saying Dick Clark invited them to drive from Stockholm? Isn't that in, uh, Sweden? You know, that place ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN).

Get a load of this fashion awesomeness:

I spent most of the night trying to figure out what kind of appliqued animals those are. I'm fairly positive one is a cat. The other could definitely be a blue liger with a skin disease. It was a nice distraction from Jenny McCarthy's 9-year-old humor and Fergie's vapid remarks and the blinding white of Ryan Seacrest's teeth.

So thank you, ABBA, for saving New Year's Eve with your belted mystery animal t-shirts. I'm totally bringing this look back this year in your honor. 

I may even get Grover into skintight white overalls and platform boots.

Wishing the best for you and yours in 2013 :-) Thanks for reading!