Things That Cannot Be Unthunk {PPD Part 6}

Earlier posts in this series:

The Monster is Back and It Won't Do the Dishes {Part 1}

In the Beginning, There was Hair Color {Part 2}

The Pit of Despair {Part 3}

Nothing {Part 4}

Call The Midwife (a very bad name) {Part 5}

I've been waffling about sharing this part. It's personal. Like, really personal. But I think the possible benefits outweigh the risks, so here goes. *gulp*

If you, yes you, stumble across this post and are dealing with suicidal thoughts, please tell someone. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or talk to a friend or family member you trust. You are not alone.

This is where I was almost two years ago.

***

Ultimately, I didn't listen to the midwife.

One, two, THREE. Beautiful little humans.

But she got to me. Boy, did she ever.

My worst fears were confirmed. It was my fault. All of this. My inability to cope. My inability to attach to my child.

I simply wasn't good enough.

There was no escape from the problem because the problem was ME. 

Where We've Been

Hullo peeps,

We're alive and well despite my radio silence around these parts. I've been doing lots of weird stuff like going to counseling and examining my life and trying to figure out who I am. Yeah. Weird.

Two weeks ago we went on a little vacay to Colorado Springs and I thought I'd share some pictures, so ...

We spent the first day at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. It was really, really cool. So cool I forgot to take pictures. I got this one, though. Evidence of the phenomenon that occurs every time I say, "Look at the camera." Every time.

K liked it, too. Sort of.