Thursday, July 21, 2011

E is for Ew

Growing up with three younger brothers, there weren't a lot of things that made me say "ew". From the maggot-infested jawbreaker that sat at the bottom of my brother's closet for six months to the whole little boys peeing here, there and everywhere thing *sigh*, not a lot phased me (or my mom! Kudos to her!).

That changed earlier this week.

The Kirby salesmen came to my house. My sweet, unassuming husband let them in before he realized who they were or what they wanted. They then proceeded to spend an hour and a half sucking God-knows-what out of my carpet. They even spilled some baking soda (which looked exactly like cocaine) on the floor, rubbed it in, and then sucked it up. It came back out brown. After my dad (who happened to be at my house) and I made about a million jokes about drug dealers really needing Kirby vacuums, I looked down at my floor to see 50+ little white circles all covered with dog hair and dirt and an illegal substance baking soda. The Kirby guy said, "Wow". And I finally said, "Ew".

Then, of course, we listened to the spiel about the importance of a Kirby vacuum and how if we breathe in all this dirt that's in our carpet WE ARE GOING TO DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH. Which almost made me ask if other humanoids routinely stick their face in their carpet to breathe (however, I guess if you spill cocaine on it ...). I kept my mouth closed, however, and politely listened while my dad made some more corny jokes. While they were going through their speech, Hershey managed to walk back and forth across the little dirt landmines at least five times, effectively undoing all the vacuuming the nice Kirby salesmen had completed for me. Darn it.

Now, THIS lady needs a Kirby.

When they finally made it to the negotiation phase, the nice Kirby man asked me to guess how much I thought it would be to own a Kirby today. I guessed $1,200. Hubby guessed $1,500. So did Dad. Then they handed us the paper. White spots danced before my eyes. I felt like I was going to pass out. Or puke. Or both. The price to own a Kirby today? Two thousand four hundred fifty dollars. I know, right? Now pick your jaw up off the floor and keep reading.

I think the Kirby salesmen could tell by our shocked reactions that they probably weren't going to make the sale. But being persistent little buggers hardworking individuals, they still tried to cut some kind of deal. After all, they like to eat. They finally took the price down to only one thousand eight hundred dollars. They would even allow us to pay it off over a period of THREE YEARS.

We said no. After a parting shot from Dad about their job really sucking (*heavy sigh*), they packed up and moved on to their next victim.

And then the guilt set in. I mean, what kind of a wife/housekeeper/mother am I? My carpet is filthy. I am letting  my loved ones breathe in, heaven forbid, dirt. And maybe, just maybe, a $2,000 vacuum will somehow snap me into that June Cleaver-esque mode we as women constantly seem to strive for. Maybe with a $2,000 vacuum, I can be a domestic goddess and have a life. Or not. But at least my carpet will be clean.

This obsession with cleanliness has gotten much worse since I had Baby T. Intellectually, I know my husband doesn't care if the carpet is vacuumed every day and I'm certain my baby would much rather eat than allow me to have time to do the dishes. However, I still feel like if my houses isn't spotless, I'm a failure.

Are there other mommas out there who are going through or have overcome this? Help!


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Thursday, July 14, 2011

D is for Do It!

I don't know about you, but when we get to this halfway point in the year, I feel the need to reassert some of my resolutions that have fallen by the wayside (whew, that was a mouthful). For the letter D, I want to challenge you to DO IT! Maybe "it" is something the Lord has put on your heart, maybe "it" is something you've always wanted to do but never had a chance.

Tomorrow is not a guarantee, so DO IT, whatever "it" is.  And remember, "I can DO all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~ Phil 4:13

Best wishes!

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Thursday, July 7, 2011

C is for Circus Peanuts

Circus Peanuts, my favorite bad-for-you food in the whole universe ...

Disgusting. Yes, I know. But despite the fact that these 'lil beauties are most likely definitely made out of melted down packing materials, I can't bring myself to stop loving them.

(gathered from here and here)
  • they're shaped like peanuts, despite the fact that they really have nothing to do with anything peanut-related (after many a sleepless night pondering this great philosophical dilemma, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is possible the shape of these lovely treats must have to do with elephants, which must have something to do with the whole Circus thing, even though there's really no evidence linking this candy with the Big Top in any way. This, of course, leads to another interesting philosophical question perfect for pondering in the wee hours of the morning - do elephants like Circus Peanuts?)
  • they are bright, bright orange, which is also incongruous with the whole peanut thing (and elephant thing.) Maybe they were just looking for a bright color to go with the whole "circus" theme and were out of red, so they used Red's cousin Orange. Voila! Another great universal mystery solved by Detective Me!)
  • officially, Circus peanuts have an artificial banana flavor (so does that mean elephants like bananas? or just artificial banana flavoring?)
  • Circus peanuts first appeared in the 1800s and you had to buy them ONE AT A TIME ... gluttony was the sin of choice back then
  • The making of Circus Peanuts is not as easy as it would seem (in other words, they really don't just melt down plastic odds and ends, add sugar and orange food coloring, and mash it all back together into a deformed peanut shape). The consistency is hard to achieve; many variables have to be just right in order to get that squishy, fluffy, sticky, slightly stale, melty plastic texture. Mmm!
  • Circus peanuts are the reason we have Lucky Charms. Really. The story goes like this ...
Once upon a time in 1963, the VP of General Mills cereal was doing some LSD and listening to the Beatles. He was totally trippin'. He decided it would be a good idea to shave up some Circus Peanuts and dump them in his cereal. Lo and behold, he discovered this mixture was quite groovy. As he was chowing down, a stingy little green leprechaun appeared and tried to steal his bowl of sugary awesomeness. This leprechaun - Lucky was his name - threatened to blackmail Mr. VP for doing LSD (although, would anyone really have cared in the 60s?) unless they named the cereal after him and allowed him to appear in all their advertising campaigns so he could teach the children of our universe that it's okay NOT TO SHARE. Mr. VP agreed. He marketed this cereal, made millions, and had to pay most of it to Lucky the Leprechaun, who keeps it sequestered in his "pot of gold" at the "end of the rainbow" (AKA a Swiss bank account).
The End

What's your favorite bad-for-you food? Let me hear it!
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Sunday, July 3, 2011

F is for Fireworks!

(This is a wee bit out of order as I'm pretty sure the alphabet is not A, B, C, F, D, E ... but I couldn't resist honoring my favorite holiday with a BANG! So all you type A personalities breathe in, breathe out. It will be okay. One out of place letter is not going to end the world :)
Fireworks are my absolute favorite part of the 4th of July! I love watching the sky light up with millions of sparks, the booms echoing across this great nation of ours. I'm not really a "patriotic" person, but something about those fireworks makes me proud to live in America, where we celebrate pretty much everything by blowing sh*t up. Boo ya!

Because I'm white and nerdy (Weird Al, you rock), I thought it would be fun to look up the history of  fireworks. As most everyone knows, these colorful fireballs most likely hail from China (like pretty much everything else in the universe). They were used in ancient Chinese culture to scare away evil spirits at special events. Sometime in the 1200s, fireworks made their way to Europe and became very popular. They were used for all kinds of celebrations, including the wedding of Henry VII. 

Knowledge of fireworks was brought to our shores by these Englishmen. They were used in 1777 to celebrate our independence and the tradition continues today. It is a wonderful part of the Fourth of July!

Happy Birthday, America!!!

Speaking of white and nerdy, check out this little gem. Ah, America, land of the free and home of the weirdo.

Have a happy Fourth and enjoy those fireworks!


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Saturday, July 2, 2011

Weight Loss Accountability Update

Hello friends!

I am pleased to announce that my weight loss is going grrrr-eat! I lost exactly two pounds last week and my measurements continue to shrink.

Starting weight: 151
Current weight: 149

Previous measurements (one week ago):
waist: 32
hips: 41.5

Current measurements:
waist: 31
hips: 41


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B is for Baby!

We were blessed with a bundle of joy 9 weeks ago. So it is only fitting that at least one post features an ode to this wonderful little person. B is for Baby!

~ brand new baby ~

I love you, Baby T!

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