I've been out for a while and this isn't exactly the sweetness and light I'd like to come back with on the blog, but I can't stop thinking about all the incredible people who have been lost to suicide and if there is anything I can do (no matter how small) to reach someone who is fighting this battle, I'm sure as hell going to do it. So let's just dive in, shall we?
One year ago, I lost my spark. I was depressed and hopeless and contemplating a thousand different ways to end my own life. Looking back, it all seems like a really bad dream. I don't know how I ended up there (although I have fleshed out a lot of compounding factors) and I never in a million years expected it.
You never do, though. No one, no one, plans on fighting a battle to the death with their own thoughts. There's no way to prepare for it, there's no way to combat it, and the only ally you have is yourself - a GIANT problem with that self is filling your head with lies about your value and worth.
In order to survive, there is one thing you have to do. I know for certain it's what saved my life a year ago. If you're dealing with depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts or any other sort of mental turmoil OR if you think a friend or loved one might be fighting this battle, please do this one thing.
Tell someone what you're going through. Ask someone if they're okay. Yes, it seems utterly pointless. Yes, it can be insanely embarrassing. Yes, you'll have to wade through the social guilt/shame surrounding mental illness. Yes, you'll probably scare the hell out of people.
But so many beautiful voices have been silenced forever by this monster and we must fight it any way we can.
So please, say something.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255