Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Oh, so that's how many kids I have.

Things change when you add munchkins.

Of course they do.

Your house gets messier. Your free time dwindles. You wish fervently for the days when everyone will be able to wipe their own ass.

Your heart grows a few sizes.

And taking your brood out in public is just kind of ... sad.

When you have one kid, people think it's cute. They see you struggling along with your ridiculously over-packed diaper bag and smile. They ask you how old the baby is, if it's a boy or girl, where you delivered, or some other random chatty question. They might wiggle the baby's toes or coo at it. And they'll offer to open the door for you or pick up the box of diapers you dropped on your way out of the store. Your complete look of terror and bewilderment as a first time mom is adorable ... and so is your child.
A first time mom and her "diaper bag"
When you have two kids, you're more prepared. You know what's up with the little one; it's the temper tantrums of the eldest that throw you now. People may get a little testy when your toddler decides to fall over and spin in circles while howling like a wolf in the middle of the grocery store, but for the most part they'll still smile and ask how far apart they are, what you named them, and tell you what a beautiful family you have, even if your kids are being snot-nosed brats (c'mon now, it happens to the best of them.) On a good day, you don't even look like you crawled out of the sewer!

On bad days, however, this is a dead ringer.

When you have three kids, you no longer care. Your only goal is to not forget anyone. You have accepted the fact that you really have no control over these tiny people. You want them to be well-behaved, of course, but when you're out in public with a three-month-old strapped to your body, there's not a whole lot you can do when the older ones decide to go into tornado mode (without having someone call child services on you, that is).

It's a VERY good thing you are starting to care less and less what people think of you. The side eyes thrown your way are brutal. THREE small children? Disgraceful. No more, "what little cuties you've got there!" or other similar remarks. People either pity you or are annoyed by you. And they are most definitely annoyed by your children.

The only thing anyone ever says to you these days is, "You have your hands full!"

Proper responses to this include:

"Yeah, we picked up a few random ones on the way in the door." 

"Ohmygosh. I completely forgot how many children I birthed (or adopted)! Thank you ever so much for reminding me!"

"You should see the other nine!"

It's very freeing, this three kid thing. Kind of like giving the finger to society, but with more benefits and less jail time.

Well, maybe.
Don't get your panties in a twist now.
Tree frogs only have four toes.

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  1. Your post gave me a good chuckle. Ahhh... the thanks of mother hood. Tell them to look the other way. HA ha ha. Just wait honey. When the kids can really talk back to others. My oldest has shocked me, I just have to LOL when I think of some of the things he has pulled. Now he is going to be 35 this year. o-0

    1. I am a little scared they inherited my sarcasm. Should be interesting!


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