Perfection

Every day, I make a list of things that "need" to be done. And every day, I end up doing approximately half of the things I set out to do.

When I don't get things done (and done RIGHT), I feel frustrated. Worthless. My self-esteem takes a hit. Evidently my self-worth is tied to my "performance", and evidently I expect nothing less than perfect.

I should be able to do this. Everyone else has done this. People have been doing this since the beginning of time. WHY can't I do this?

A better question: why is it so important to me to do it ALL?



Why does being able to accomplish everything matter? WHY?

Because I'm a perfectionist. That's why. I've struggled with it, wrestled with it, sat down and had long, long conversations with it. But, let me tell you, it is a HARD thing to kick.

I've realized, however, as I stare at my never-ending to do list, that perfectionism is a monster. It steals your happiness. It leaves you struggling toward unattainable goals while life happens around you. It makes you focus on things that don't matter.

I don't appreciate my life because it's not perfect.

And my children, these beautiful souls in tiny bodies, deserve better than that.

This is what I find most difficult about parenting. You have to take a look at yourself in all your ugly glory. And then you have to deal with your issues. Not because you want to. Because your children deserve to know that life is not about being perfect. It's about putting in your best effort and being happy with the results.

It's about recognizing what is truly good, not what is truly perfect.

And it's about realizing (and remembering) that these ...

...  these are my new "perfection".