1. You masquerade as a delicious cucumber. Except you are not delicious.
2. You grow much too large much too quickly. I mean, really, what are you supposed to do with a vegetable the size of caveman's club? Besides bash someone's face in, of course.
3. You're the only thing that seems to flourish in the garden (besides weeds). WHY?
4. If vegetables had frontal lobes, you would be the one plotting to take over the world.
5. You are tasteless.
6. The male species thinks you are poisonous. Unless you are well-hidden by fat and/or sugar, you may as well be arsenic.
7. You are not mentioned in the Veggie Tales theme song. This pretty much means you suck.
8. You have the texture of a old frozen sock. Don't ask my how I know the texture of an old frozen sock.
9. And finally, nobody wants to take you off our hands. Fresh tomatoes from the garden? Yes! Home-grown corn? Certainly! Organic spinach and lettuce (and by "organic", I mean it's still got the bugs on it)? Definitely!
And how 'bout some zucchini?
I'll pass, thanks.