Why I Hate Cats

Yesterday, I thought I was in labor. Contractions started at 2:15 p.m., were 10 minutes apart by 5, and were lasting one minute and were five minutes apart by 2 a.m.

Also, they HURT.

Then I fell asleep watching a news story about how National Geographic put collar cameras on all these house cats and found out that cats are disgusting creatures who murder millions of birds and crawl around in sewers and stuff. Plus, they often "cheat" on their owners and have two or more families who feed them and pet them and let them sleep in their beds.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?

Evil much?

I would say so.

I woke up three hours later. The contractions are gone, but now I feel like someone is pulling apart my hip bones with two giant vise grips.

Boo.

Apparently this child does not want to enter the world after finding out it is inhabited by cats.

Pure evil, I tell you.

P.S. I really don't hate cats (but I'm definitely not a fan of them). I just hate that I'm still pregnant despite 12 hours of contractions and I need a scapegoat. 

Or a scapecat, as it were.