Thursday, November 3, 2011

U is for Urine

"I am going to be sooo embarrassed by this blog post when I'm fifteen ... "
It's funny how your life becomes completely centered around bodily functions when you have a kid. Their eating, their pooping, their sleeping, their peeing. Over and over and over. And now, YOU GET TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!


Having a baby boy makes diaper changing verrrry interesting.

The third or fourth time I changed Baby Munchkin at home, I turned away for two seconds and realized I had a fountain spewing from the changing table all over the carpet. Since we're renters, I panicked and tried to catch it. With my entire upper body. Including my face.

Baby T: 1
Mommy: 0

"oopsie ... was your mouth open, mom?
my bad .... "
When he was about three months, I had a brilliant idea to change Baby Munchkin on my lap in the car. I had just finished feeding him and we were in a hurry, so I figured it would be quicker that way. Guess what happened?

Yes, he did. All over my lap. BEFORE I had to go get groceries in Wal-Mart. People looked at me funny. And it was too hard to explain the real story, so I just pretended I had escaped from a mental hospital.

Not really. But that would have been. EPIC.

Baby T: 2
Mommy: 0

The other day, Baby Munchkin peed on me again. While I was at work (I take him with me to my part-time job). And I didn't realize it until I went to the bank and noticed my leg felt kinda weird.

The worst part? I was wearing khakis. KHAKIS.

"got her again! high-five my baby homies! WUT!"
Baby T: 3
Mommy: 0

And finally, remember when an older, wiser person told you your bladder would go to sh*t after giving birth?

I have become that older, wiser person.

I took up running, you see. And running plus a post-baby bladder (and forgetting to do Kegels) DO NOT MIX. Trust me on this.

Baby T: 4
Mommy: 0

I was just extremely thankful I had a pair of warm-up pants to put on for the walk home. Because nobody would believe the mental hospital routine in a town as small as mine ...

Or maybe they would ...

T Dubbs FTW. 


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1 comment:

What say ye?