Friday, September 9, 2011

M is for Motherhood ~ 10 things no one tells you

Motherhood is quite possibly the most challenging job on the planet, especially in the beginning. You have so many questions (is baby's poop the right color? how often do I change him? why is my kid SHEDDING?!?) and there's not a lot of quality resources out there. The best thing to do, of course, is find somebody who's been through it all before and put them on speed dial. Here's ten other things you might also like to know ...

1. Newborns are not very cute. Unless you're related to them; then they're AH-DORABLE.

I mean really, how cute do you think you would be after going through the horrific process of birth? I know I wasn't very cute.

Newborns can have all kinds of skin weirdness in the beginning. Baby T had a bruise covering most of the back of his head from pushing. People would look at him and say, "Oh, poor baby." Yeah, poor baby all right. What about POOR MOMMY?!?

Then munchkin turned yellow. Then his entire face started shedding. Then he got baby zits. Like I said, not very cute. But you love them anyway.

2. You may not bond with baby right away.

The primary emotion I remember feeling was shock. For about two weeks. Then it started to get fun. It's been getting better and better ever since.

3. You may be afraid to poop.

This is some weird mental thing. Don't worry, the nice nurses make you take stool softeners EVERY TWO HOURS. That way it doesn't matter if you want to poop or not ...

4. Hormonal people do stupid things.

We lost munchkin's pacifier shortly after arriving home from the hospital. I was so upset. I blubbered to Chance, "That binky wasth sthpecial ... it wasth his furst one ... wah!!!!" Then I went online and ordered not one, but FOUR exact replicas and paid $20 for one day shipping.

A week later, I found the original binky in the hamper. Hoover Dam.

Be prepared to be a basket case, at least for a little bit. This too shall pass.

5. It's okay to say "no" to visitors.

You are not required to have people over. Give yourself some time to recuperate. Visits from friends and family are much better when you don't have an ice pack in your underwear. Trust me.

6. Put the hubby (or someone else) in charge of thank you cards. 

For weeks after munchkin was born, I was terrified I had forgotten to thank somebody. A brand new mommy does not have the greatest memory. The simple solution - put someone else in charge of this little task.


Chances are you will have many, many people willing to help. Accept it. Now is not the time to be Supermommy. I remember arriving home from the hospital to find my house sparkling clean. It was the best present ever.

8. You don't need to stock up enough diapers for the next six months. Unless you're planning for the zombie apocalypse.

Maybe this was just my nerdy side kicking in, but I actually did algebraic calculations to determine the number of diapers I would need for baby for a YEAR. So sad. All you really need are a few packs of newborn diapers to get through the first few weeks. If you're planning on popping out a chunker, you may also want to have a few size one diapers on hand.

9.  Your baby does not need everything in the baby department. Even though it has a cute elephant on it. JUST PUT IT DOWN.

New mommies like to get lots and lots of baby stuff. Part of it is nesting. Part of it is a desperate attempt to be prepared. The truth is NOTHING is going to prepare you for having a baby until you ... have a baby. Duh. All your baby really needs to be happy is you.

10. Relax and enjoy.

My kid is only four months old and I'm already forgetting what it was like to have a newborn. It's such a short, short period of time. Enjoy it!

Mommies rock!


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