C is for Circus Peanuts

Circus Peanuts, my favorite bad-for-you food in the whole universe ...

Disgusting. Yes, I know. But despite the fact that these 'lil beauties are most likely definitely made out of melted down packing materials, I can't bring myself to stop loving them.

FUN FACTS ABOUT MY FAVORITE FOAMY FRIENDS

(gathered from here and here)

• they're shaped like peanuts, despite the fact that they really have nothing to do with anything peanut-related (after many a sleepless night pondering this great philosophical dilemma, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is possible the shape of these lovely treats must have to do with elephants, which must have something to do with the whole Circus thing, even though there's really no evidence linking this candy with the Big Top in any way. This, of course, leads to another interesting philosophical question perfect for pondering in the wee hours of the morning - do elephants like Circus Peanuts?)

• they are bright, bright orange, which is also incongruous with the whole peanut thing (and elephant thing.) Maybe they were just looking for a bright color to go with the whole "circus" theme and were out of red, so they used Red's cousin Orange. Voila! Another great universal mystery solved by Detective Me!)

• officially, Circus peanuts have an artificial banana flavor (so does that mean elephants like bananas? or just artificial banana flavoring?)
• Circus peanuts first appeared in the 1800s and you had to buy them ONE AT A TIME ... gluttony was the sin of choice back then
• The making of Circus Peanuts is not as easy as it would seem (in other words, they really don't just melt down plastic odds and ends, add sugar and orange food coloring, and mash it all back together into a deformed peanut shape). The consistency is hard to achieve; many variables have to be just right in order to get that squishy, fluffy, sticky, slightly stale, melty plastic texture. Mmm!
• Circus peanuts are the reason we have Lucky Charms. Really. The story goes like this ...

Once upon a time in 1963, the VP of General Mills cereal was doing some LSD and listening to the Beatles. He was totally trippin'. He decided it would be a good idea to shave up some Circus Peanuts and dump them in his cereal. Lo and behold, he discovered this mixture was quite groovy. As he was chowing down, a stingy little green leprechaun appeared and tried to steal his bowl of sugary awesomeness. This leprechaun - Lucky was his name - threatened to blackmail Mr. VP for doing LSD (although, would anyone really have cared in the 60s?) unless they named the cereal after him and allowed him to appear in all their advertising campaigns so he could teach the children of our universe that it's okay NOT TO SHARE. Mr. VP agreed. He marketed this cereal, made millions, and had to pay most of it to Lucky the Leprechaun, who keeps it sequestered in his "pot of gold" at the "end of the rainbow" (AKA a Swiss bank account).

The End

What's your favorite bad-for-you food? Let me hear it!